It’s Not Supposed To Be….

You have seen it, read it, talked about it and so much more.  You get that chance to stand for yourself and show the world that you are like Tevin Campbell’s 90′s album “I’m Ready”.  It’s not supposed to be the time where you falter and leave yourself hanging in the balance of your emotions and the way you feel about someone.  On the outside, you are an outgoing seemingly successful person, but on the inside, you feel that you are missing something greater, most cases this can be a companion or some sort, in my case a woman companion.

I don’t wanna sound needy, or sound like I’m begging like one of my favorite R and B singers Keith Sweat, but honestly, its not supposed to be this way, I’m supposed to be the one that walks up to her and says, “hey you are beautiful, and I want you to take my hand and become my boo…” but yet that simple phrase causes a man to falter and then he asks himself the question:

have you ever liked someone so much, but you didnt tell them, or you feared rejection, so you let someone great slip away from your very two hands?

as pitiful as it sounds, I have constantly asked myself this question, I have always asked, what it could have been, what we could have made, living in my dream, while I should be living it in reality.

I rest my eyes upon the pier at one of my favorite spots on Jekyll Island and also walk the beach in the evening thinking, this should be you, me together, but I fail to make a move.   I will tell you, when I’m around you, I never feel ashamed, I feel like I can talk to you about anything, I can sing off-key (which is very unlikely) and it will still sound good, I can make the biggest mistake of my life, but you still appreciate me.  I don’t know, maybe I should man up and jump on it before its too late? I feel like I’m stuck….its not that I;’m feenin, but its more than that…..I wonder, as I write, would she be mad if she read this? It’s not supposed to make her mad….I don’t think….then you think about all the rest that you have talked to or dated, and you realize NO ONE compares, or is up to the standard, it’s not supposed to feel like this, but I don’t know again, maybe I can tell her, maybe she already knows, she probably knows that I think about her, love her smile, loves the way she talks, walks, and maybe the way she makes you feel good, but I believe in the end, the way God works, It’s suppose to be……